No matter what your experience of divorce, unless you’re an uber-wealthy celeb, chances are you had some issues around money. And it’s totally normal. With big changes in relationship status come big changes in financial status.
There are a plethora of flavors when it comes to money anxiety: going from two incomes to one, having to learn how to take care of complex financial topics, and worries of not having enough. This kind of stress can affect your physical health, along with your mental health. During a divorce, getting upset about money or even arguing about it with your ex, can make everything worse.
It’s tempting to deal with our money anxiety by simply ignoring things. Logging in to check our bank account gives us the fear, so it is easier to just not look. Unfortunately, avoiding the scary realities isn’t a real solution so what can we do to quell the nerves around our finances?
Sonya Brewer, a somatic psychotherapist, was interviewed on the Secret Library podcast, where she was talking about how to regulate your nervous system when dealing with money. Her tips were around breathing, especially when you don’t feel like you can look at your account balance. She said that it wouldn’t be easy at first, but by sitting with your discomfort, and deeply breathing into it, especially while looking at your finances, it’s possible to get yourself to a comfortable physical state. It takes practice but it can be done.
Ways to deal with money anxiety…
Stay present. It can be difficult but if you can look at your finances and remind yourself that you’re more than the number on the screen, that’s a win for your nervous system. We might go into fight or flight, but by staying present, we can make progress and get to a better place. You want to feel safe and the more you can build that into your time spent thinking about your money situation, the better. Whether it’s through breathing exercises, remaining grounded, or focusing on gratitude, you can help yourself deal with the anxiety and not spiral out of control.
Ask questions. Maybe it’s journaling and writing about issues you might encounter around money. Start with stories from your past and how your family has dealt with money. Were you raised to believe in scarcity? Or did you not get any financial education at all from your parents? Money anxiety can be inherited. After that, you can move on to some of the bigger, and possibly scarier, questions about your money future. What are your goals? Where do you currently stand? And how do you get there?
Educate yourself. There are so many free resources and services available for those in the beginning stages of their money journey. It can be financial females that are posting on IG or tried and true money tips that come straight from your accountant. There are plenty of books and many online guides as well. As long as you have a resource that you can trust, get to learning and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Formulate a plan. Fear is often banished by having an idea of what you’re going to do. Actionable steps mean that you are working towards a goal. Sometimes just the act of putting together a plan can make you feel better. The plan doesn’t need to be complex and often, the simpler, the better. Knowing that you’re working towards being in a better financial place can assuage some of that overwhelming anxiety. Don’t discount that feeling of control.
What helps you move through money anxiety?
