Your confidence might feel shattered after your divorce. Even if you initiated it. Getting out of a marriage is a huge step. Not only a change in identity, but a change in living and financial arrangements. You might be questioning yourself, your abilities or your worth. While that is all natural, I found that doing small things to help build confidence were especially useful during this time.
Keep your word. Both to others and to yourself. If you make plans with friends, show up. But this also goes for keeping promises that you make with yourself. If you arrange to go somewhere by yourself, show up. Doing what you say will earn you friends, respect and prove your consistency.
Do one slightly scary thing. It doesn’t have to be anything big but try to challenge yourself. Go somewhere new. Reach out to someone you might not normally speak with. Take a different route home. Sometimes all we need is a little tiptoe outside of our comfort zone in order to benefit. We get braver because we’ve overcome a fear, as small as it might have been.
Don’t compare. Just because others are further along in their journey doesn’t take away from the strides you’ve made. Everyone is at a different point and recovering from a divorce is an intensely personal experience. Have faith in what you’re doing to build confidence and keep your eyes on your own paper.
Say (or write down) positive affirmations. I like these during my morning meditation but also right before I start a writing session. You can repeat these as often as necessary – in your car, on your bike, out loud, or in your head. The point is to say or write it so much that you believe it. And once you believe it, it can become a reality.
Look at what you’ve already achieved. Celebrate your successes. You’ve come so far already. Don’t discount all that you’ve accomplished. Take the time to relish in what you’ve done. It’s tempting to move to the next thing, especially during a time of big change. Pause and congratulate yourself.
Embrace a spiritual practice of some kind. Whether it’s prayer or yoga or meditation or running, make sure you have something that takes you outside of yourself and connects you with the larger universe. You start to feel better about yourself when you realize that you’re just a small part of the bigger picture.
In order to build confidence after a divorce, you need to dedicate time and energy to doing so. It’s not easy but it can be done. We’d love to hear what’s worked for you!
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